Visions of You

History connects in slits of time
Moments born from flashes of changes

Past seemingly lost 

like tarnished silver 

yet lingering malevolence 

etches slowly in arsenic  

The abyss of longing 

From strands of your hair to the tips of your fingers

The visions of you

From the curve of your lips to the lines of your tears

One day my words may fail you or many days they may

One day my memories may fail me or they may yet so

I will forgive all your transgressions 

I will carry all my contradictions 

I just want to make you happier 

with a method I can understand

with as much effort I can muster 

I can apologize when I see my errors 

for misunderstanding you

for misunderstanding myself 

If apologizing simply for the sake of apology

it is empty

the moment of validation holds no truth

I can recall how exactly our paths cross
How each image of you pierces into me
A road tiled with fascination around attachment

vague in definition but pristine 
A vestige of you created in my mind in chaotic perfection

The Respawn

Best stories start in medias res

Why so? Isn't the beginning the brightest time

Without the burdens of misaligned interests

Without the conflicting paths of personal histories 

Without the jadedness towards failed revolutions 

Without the weariness from repeated disappointments 

But patience serves so far

We can only understand each other so much through words and paper

Those subtle hints that complete the frame

What could bring tears of joy

What could bring the smirk of ire

What could bring the eyebrow raise of disgust 

What could bring the stone-faced disinterest 

The beginning is a tale of unnecessary sufferings, unintended misunderstandings, unfilled potentials, and unwanted mishaps

Many say the simple course of inescapable certainty

While destiny will overlook the backtracked adventures 

Only the ember of impatience kindles and slowly crisps a light-hearted faith 

Again and again, a path of pain built on misguided hopes 

Drowning a cry that yearns for a simple truth 

Where is the end? 

But in all honesty, 

How much longer can I keep my head high until I get there?

But perhaps only in the abyss you can distinguish the faintest of bright

The intonation of the bleakest despair raises the stakes of survival

While my heart still bleeding, muscles still torn, and bones still broken

I am not without the struggle in my mind

With that, hope finds its respawn

Memories of the Stars

It is a wellspring of inspiration
based on an intuition without cause

It is a complexity's explosion
raced on an excursion without laws

A name once heard and told as mundane
But now precious
Entangled in the maelstrom of emotions

A face once seen and forgotten in passing

Now memorable

Restless treading in the path of a typhoon

On the slope that divided the night,
On the bank that flashed fireflies,
On the steps where solitude slew,
reasons, laid to rest,
I heard my resonating heartbeats flew
Unfamiliar, and afraid to move

Shall we dance for the waxing crescent?
Shall we drink to the passing stardust?

At the edge of the universe,
would my words still convey the same sense of longing?

On the slope that divides the night
I am still waiting for that one destined to appear

Her and Ultimatum

When I first held your hand
those fingers were special
The first impression indeed terrible
nonetheless
A crack on a shell,
the boundaries cease,
A new world to tell
with a stubbornness I treasured
and talents I admired

Yet that world is too precious
and this world too cruel
Those desires blinded me
confined me to a gamble
and those fingers slipped through my grasp
the ending was bound to fail

So I sought new paths
no longer daring as I thought foolish
The fire dies a little by a little
but the night is not dark
The paradise of sloth is emptiness
sailor I no longer am
sea still roam I can

I will not become a hero
but a simple seeker of truth
If avarice is the end,
let each man judge for his own
and make amends

But truth returns no joys,
my hands are still empty
Perhaps one day it will grasp your again
but would I make it
before the world ends

There are no flawless logic
There are no painless gains
There are no endless sufferings
Would everything be alright
before the world ends?
I hope it will
I hope it well

The Longest Night

The radiance of a full moon
hides not the void of starlight
Biting gently on my fingertips,
a seeping chill crawls into my heart

In this night that glimmer is distant
my lantern's glow rather inconsistent
Plunging into a dream seems pleasant
but waking suddenly, sweetness nonexistent

The distant horizon looks bleak
because it is not a crossroad I seek
Instead, an end to all journeys
as the summit eases
and my footprints cease
into those clouds
a mist-encased shroud

The thrill of travels
threading the fine fringe
comes with an understanding
that the eventual nesting
lies the familiar branches
above the roadside gravels

And so my steps continue and continue on
to that hill where the wind sang
in the crimson twilight
and a hand waiting to grasp mine

Oh the mighty
grant a blessing to the struggle
such that it is known--the longest night

In the Silence of Our Prayers

The crowd shuffled,
and the preacher went on.

Grandiose
principles in eager,
Promises of fates
"Strength and dignity"
Outcries blood for blood

The crowd dispersed,
and the preacher went on.
Fragile
unity in jeopardy,
Glares of antipathy
"Impenitence and loathing"
Swallow tears for tears

In silence, the crowd desists
Puzzled by vague sketch
Surely not all roads go to Rome
yet which one leads home?

Free Will

If we chose to be free,
then we are free to choose
The freedom to be evil
should it be a choice?

If we claimed to love all
then we cannot love a first
Without first comes none
should none be loved?

A fearless charge ends in brevity
The mist of contradiction hides all paths
Though I am their creation
I witnessed none of their glories
knew none of their nobilities
and nothing lingering on my fingers
have touched their eternity

So what is tingling my resting heart?

The land where intents lay bare
with obligations thin
Beyond the farthest reach of duty,
A flag still stands there
Though the body is feeble,
and the gears fade,
the momentum continues to carry
until ceasing of pains.

I may not possess a heart that is tender
But its echoes resound and do not wither

The deep roots sprouting a small herb
lush and vivid rivaling a full bloom
The brief spark may flicker
A blaze it will ignite, embracing all others

Though I may not hold anything
My soul is not empty
When everything is held dear
Transient it may be
A strong will that is free