He has vowed on the sun and the moon that he will be her protector, even though he knows that no matter how much passion he has for her, she cannot and will not return in tenderness. Such passion is a one-sided conviction, a path doomed for nothingness, he knows. It is not that he is incapable of touching her heart and shielding her from sadness and giving her courage when she is overwhelmed by despair. It is just that he knows he cannot give her everything and he knows that she cannot give her everything either. So when they parted on the circumstances, he did not declare to her that he will love her for life nor he urged a promise from his obvious feelings. He said to her, "Let me become your knight-to-be. Call my name in the time of need and let me hear so. I shall be on your side and do as much as I am allowed."
Even though he cursed his choice for not telling her everything, he remained firm for what he chose. She is the princess, maybe the one that will bring him happiness. Even though it is not definitely, he can tell that he could not stop thinking about her as she was smiling afar in his dreams. But because she is the princess, she has responsibility far more than a desirable mate and she has potential far more than a girl waiting to be wed.
She can reach much farther than I will ever imagine, he told himself, and I will allow her to do so. If I should be its obstacle, I should eliminate myself.
Such selfish sense of accomplishment and sacrifice that will help no one, not even himself.
Such selfish sense of accomplishment and sacrifice that will help no one, not even himself.
But he still chose to believe that, because he was afraid that he could not handle the responsibility. Because he was afraid that he could not make her happy, or just not perfectly happy. He gave himself the excuse, I do not have time, even though I have desired so.
A deluded weakling he was, but the heart was true. Though he was ultimately incapable, he nevertheless prayed for her happiness from the very origin of his heart. Maybe he knows that she would love someone else or already has loved someone else, or that he knows his weaknesses will in the end impend her from realizing her potential. It does not matter no more.
If goddess shall smile upon my prayers, I shall be glad. If not, I shall continue to pray.
